As the holiday season unfolds, I find myself reflecting on the enduring bond I shared with my dog, Payton, who stood by me during my battle with acute myeloid leukemia (AML). This time of year often brings a mix of emotions—some stress over work conflicts, concerns about holiday spending, and the occasional loneliness. Yet, as I prepare for Thanksgiving, I realize that I have much to be thankful for, particularly in the memories of Payton, whose presence made all the difference during my darkest days.
It’s a curious thing, the way little moments add up over time. I was just preparing my cranberry dish for Thanksgiving dinner, a task that has become a lighthearted tradition in my family. They claim to enjoy my dish, though I suspect they assign it to me out of convenience, given my less-than-stellar culinary skills. Still, I’m content. As the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade winds down, I’ll be eagerly anticipating the Purina Dog Show—a fitting tribute to my deep love for dogs.
In 2016, when I was first diagnosed with AML, Payton, my golden retriever, was there to comfort me. Even before I began treatment, he visited me outside the hospital in Illinois, his loyal eyes offering me strength and a reason to keep fighting. Payton became more than just a pet; he was my lifeline, my reason to survive. Sadly, he passed away just before I was diagnosed again in 2020, at which point I began a second round of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant.
One vivid memory stands out from those challenging days. Between chemotherapy sessions and transfusions, I took Payton for a walk in the bitter winter air. Suddenly, I was gripped by uncontrollable shivers, and I knew something was wrong. I struggled to warm up, my teeth clattering so violently I feared I’d break my jaw. Despite this, Payton stayed by my side, not leaving me for a moment. At his usual dinner time, when he would normally dance excitedly around, he remained still, laying his head on my lap and offering me silent comfort. Eventually, I managed to take my temperature, realizing I had developed a fever, and a kind neighbor rushed me to the ER. Payton was well cared for in my absence, but I carried his love and loyalty with me throughout my recovery.
Although the pain of losing Payton still lingers, I am filled with gratitude for the memories we shared. He was my constant companion during the toughest moments, helping me take each step forward in my healing journey. I will forever be thankful for his unwavering support.
As I approach another holiday season, I am determined to let go of petty worries and frustrations. It’s easy to let small inconveniences cloud our perspective, but I’m learning to appreciate the gift of life and the opportunities I’ve been given. Sometimes, when I write about surviving cancer, I feel conflicted. I want to reach out to those who are facing terminal illness and let them know they are in my thoughts. While I feel blessed to have survived, I know that my journey is not the only one, and it shouldn’t diminish the struggles of those still fighting. I pray for peace and comfort for those who are nearing the end of their lives, and I believe that a peaceful paradise awaits them. This uncertainty about life and death is a frustrating mystery, and while I can’t change it, I am committed to supporting cancer research and the resources that offer hope to others.
This holiday season, I send my love and best wishes to my cancer community, my family, and friends. May we all find peace and comfort in the moments that matter most.
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